"Can I Chat With You For A Minute?"

"There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under the heavens... 
  a time to speak, and a time to be silent."  
                                                    -Ecclesiastes 3

We've designated March as "Time Management Month", and our recent posts have dealt with ways to make more efficient use of rehearsal time. This week, however, we'd like to explore the flip side of efficient time management: allowing room in your schedule for unstructured time with choristers.

All conductors are busy, and in truth, many are probably too busy to function effectively. But in our constant state of busy-ness, it's easy to lose sight of the value- the necessity, really- of being truly present for our choristers in a way that goes beyond structured time.

We work with human beings- their instruments are themselves. Stress, frustration, anger and sadness can all take a toll on the vocal instrument. Part of our job, then, is to build sufficient trust and rapport with our choristers to allow them to free their voices confidently. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to sincerely listen when they have individual concerns.

When we're scattered and overcommitted, we simply can't be fully present to provide the emotional space and support that many of our choristers need. When we're running to our next gig immediately after rehearsal, we deprive people of the opportunity to connect with us.

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KRISHAN: During my last few years in San Diego, before relocating to Boston to pursue my Doctorate at Boston University, I became acutely aware of just how overcommitted I was. In fact, this realization was my initial impetus for wanting to make a significant change in my life. I was responsible for six or seven liturgies every weekend, and was conducting SACRA/PROFANA in at least one performance each month. I was constantly running to the next commitment, and it was having a negative effect on my relationships and my ability to grow as an artist. I found myself getting annoyed when people would try to talk to me after church- even when they only wanted to offer me a complement! I genuinely felt that I couldn't afford to spare even one minute.

As I got settled in Boston in the fall of 2015, I was keenly aware of the danger of becoming overcommitted again. So I decided to take on as little as I could; in addition to my coursework at B.U., I found a half-time church job, and took only a few sporadic conducting gigs here and there. I really wanted to make sure that I had ample time in my schedule for focused and thorough study, and for true devotion to my new parish.

The results have been literally life-changing for me. I'm always on time now; usually I arrive to my destination a few minutes early. Often I'm the first one there, even when it's not a rehearsal that I'm in charge of. And I also feel that I can stay late. After church on Sundays, I linger. I socialize with the choristers as they chat after Mass, and I'm usually the last one to leave. I have found that making myself available to my choristers has had a profound impact on the morale of the ensemble. Sometimes people just want to talk about things that have nothing to do with music; they just want to relate to their conductor as a human being. People still say to me, "I know you're really busy, but...". My new favorite response is: "It's ok. I have time."


KIRSTEN: I used to have a really hard time listening. I tend to talk and move so fast that people often don't think I'm hearing what they have to say. Even at times when I felt that I was giving people the opportunity to speak, in retrospect I realize that my body language and even my general energy was probably sending a different message: even though I wasn't talking at the moment, I also wasn't necessarily listening. I learned that I need to make a conscious effort not only to listen, but to communicate that I am really listening, deeply and sincerely.

As a natural extrovert, this is a daily challenge for me. Every time one of my private students walks into a lesson, I ask them the question: "What's one great thing that happened to you this week?". I also make a point of always asking a follow-up question, to demonstrate that I'm truly interested in their experience. If I can remember the things that happen to them from week to week, and follow up about what's going on in their lives, it communicates that I'm engaged and interested in them as people.

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The ability to sincerely listen to another human being is something that doesn't necessarily come naturally; for most of us, it's a learned skill. It takes great personal maturity to put our own agendas aside long enough to truly hear another person's concerns. In order to do this, we need to be available to people- we need to allow our choristers (or our colleagues, or our supervisors) sufficient access to our time that we can truly be present for them. Genuine listening provides us with the opportunity to see the world through another person's eyes. This is a rare- and therefore, vital- skill to develop, and can only be cultivated if we allow time for it.