"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
-Proverbs 29:11
In a previous post, we discussed professionalism and its many manifestations in the choral realm. This week we explore a similar topic: the importance of maintaining professional distance from your choristers.
As leaders, we are always set slightly apart from our choristers. We should never be aloof or inaccessible to them- in fact, we've discussed at length the importance of establishing personal relationships with those whom we lead- but, at some point, we need to identify the line of appropriate relationships with our choristers.
It is easy to draw this line when working in a school setting. Almost intuitively, most of us can recognize the need to be disciplined in our communication with students, whether they're undergraduates, high school students, or younger. In dealing with students, we should aim to be as objective as possible, only sharing information that they need to know, and never "playing favorites". Professionalism in a school setting also requires that we maintain a positive front, avoiding the temptation to share our frustrations with our students. We would certainly never dream of taking a student into our confidence in order to "vent" about another student, teacher, or staff member.
It becomes more difficult to maintain this distance when directing a chorus of our peers. An ensemble comprised of singers who are of our same age and demographic group presents a wonderful opportunity for social networking- but this type of scenario can be fraught with peril if we become tempted to share too much with individual choristers. It takes remarkable self-control to withhold our personal feelings and opinions when socializing with our choristers. We are human, after all, and we all crave a sympathetic ear. Surely no one would begrudge us five minutes of venting about that one know-it-all baritone, or that perennially frazzled alto.
The problem, though, is that people talk, and taking a chorister into our confidence in this way can have serious repercussions down the line. Therefore, we've come to believe in Stephen Covey's rule of thumb: "Defend those who are absent".
This, of course, is easier said than done, and we cannot claim to have a perfect track record in this department. But the higher we rise on the leadership scale, the more careful we need to be with our words. As we gain more influence, we also gain more responsibility to use that influence prudently.
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KRISHAN: When I founded SACRA/PROFANA in 2009, I had recently moved to San Diego and didn't really have a network of friends in the city. As my fledgling choir began to develop, I naturally formed social bonds with many of the singers. I recall a conversation I had at that time with Peter Rutenberg, director of the Los Angeles Chamber Singers. Peter told me of the early days of LACS, and how that group had gradually morphed from a group of friends into a unionized chorus. Peter recounted that as the group became more structured, his leadership position prevented him from fraternizing intimately with the members of the ensemble.
In my youthful optimism, I was sure that this would never happen with me and my circle of friends. But as SACRA/PROFANA began obtaining higher-profile performance opportunities, the level of professionalism in the chorus rose, and I found myself in the uncomfortable position of having to "manage" my friends, who were now paid singers in the choir. More and more, we were operating in high-stakes environments with visiting conductors watching our every move. It eventually became untenable for me to continue intimate friendships with professional choristers whom I was directly responsible for overseeing- particularly when disciplinary action was necessary due to missed rehearsals, etc. Stepping back from those friendships for the sake of professional consistency was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I still socialize with choristers, but I'm careful now to keep the conversation light and focused on my choristers, rather than sharing my own opinions and feelings.
KIRSTEN: In several of the high schools where I've taught, the theater and music programs have been at odds with one another. These two programs often shared space for shows and rehearsals, which could easily become a source of frustration. Every year, I would mark my concerts and dress rehearsals in the school calendar at the very beginning of each semester. However, without fail each year some scheduling/space issue would pop up with the theater programs, and I would have to work around difficult situations due to the other department's lack of proper planning. While I enjoyed the company of the theater teachers, and often even encouraged my students to be a part of their department, I did occasionally feel the urge to complain or roll my eyes at the situation facing my students.
One year, I intentionally set my spring concert date for the week after the school musical. I anticipated that the theater club would have plenty of time to strike the set before our dress rehearsal, and we wouldn't have set pieces in the way. However, when the theater teacher decided to push the show dates back by one weekend (citing the need for more rehearsal time), he also neglected to realize the true conflict: the sets for his show were drilled to the stage- the same stage that my choir was planning to use for a concert that week.
Even though my students knew who was to blame for the situation, I had to make sure that I remained professional, and refrained from venting about this frustrating teacher to my students. It would have been easy to do, and my students already knew what the reality of the situation was. However, by not vocalizing my frustrations, working around the problem, and handling it professionally I was able to maintain the respect of my students and colleagues.
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Many choral conductors have few social outlets beyond the ensembles that they direct. This is a problem in and of itself. As difficult as it may be, we must cultivate friendships beyond our ensembles, so that we have appropriate outlets to express our feelings about our work.
In the 1998 war film "Saving Private Ryan", the soldiers under the command of Captain John Miller (played by Tom Hanks) spend much of the film speculating about his personal life: what his profession was before the war, whether or not he's married with a family, etc. This theme provides some running comic relief throughout the film; the soldiers even have a pool going on the Captain. Not until late in the film, when they're facing almost certain death at the hands of an approaching Nazi brigade, does Captain Miller choose to share some personal info about himself. The underlying subtext is clear: only by setting himself slightly apart from the soldiers under his command, can he effectively lead them through difficult circumstances.
Avoid the temptation to wear your heart on your sleeve in the company of those whom you lead. While your choristers need to recognize you as a human being, you must be judicious in how you choose to reveal that vulnerable side of yourself. Ultimately, your singers will bond more strongly with each other and trust more in your leadership, if you provide them with a consistent frame of professionalism.
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